many, many sheep...

it's now 3.20am and i am WIDE awake.

got up suddenly at 1 am and realised, to my dismay, that this might be the onset of another insomnia phase.

these phases come and go, averaging once a month. it lasts for a few nights and then things will revert to normal, just like that.

trying to count sheep doesn't really help because head chatter overtakes whatever attempts i make to lull my mind back to la-la land.

in these last two hours, my mind has done a mental clean-out of the shoe cabinet, my bedside mess and a re-design of my kitchen layout. you can't say it's all wasted cos some of my  best ideas have been borne out of these sleepless in singapore nights.

however, i pay the price the following day. getting up can be a struggle but i will plod on till after lunch when the mind just shuts down and i desperately need a shut-eye. if i don't get the chance to catch 40 winks, it doesn't mean it will be easier that night. a phase is a phase. pretty annoying. the effects accumulate and there will come an afternoon when i fall into this drunken stupor. 

am pretty sure if i were to bring this up to my doctor, she will blame it on hormones or my lack of them. again.

she had suggested melatonin before and i have tried them. trouble is, you don't know when these attacks come. i hate taking them on normal days cos i don't feel so normal the following day. kinda woozy and out of sorts. and it's too late to take when you suddenly find yourself awake at 1 am.

so it's something i live with. 

and when you, whose life was in mortal danger four years ago,  look at the bigger picture, you count your blessings ...... and sheep  :-)